way past midnight thoughts

I don't think I will ever find someone I truly want to spend the rest of my life with in a romantic sense. Everyone always talks about finding their soulmate and true love, but for me I don't think I want to find mine (if mine actually exists). I don't believe in finding The One, but do like the concept of it. It gives people hope and that is what we all need to have to live. 

I hope this doesn't give off "oh poor me" vibes. I'm not looking for pity. I think I would actually prefer to never find the guy for me, because if I do, then that means he will eventually know every little thing about me. While that seems comforting at first, it starts to become terrifying for me. I hate being vulnerable, like, at all, so the thought of having to bare myself to another person, scares me to the bone. 

I am fully aware I am avoidant and rely way too much on myself even when I shouldn't. I know I should work on this habit, but I can't see myself being any other way. Vulnerability has always been something I struggle with and idk, maybe that's something I can live with. I know I don't need a man in my life to be happy, so why should I look for one? My circle is only girls, even in my family, we are all girls. Well, except my dad. I can just be single my entire life and I know I'll be just as content as married couples. 

Anyways, I think I've been listening to too many love songs. It has really got me thinking about my nonexistent love life, but I hope u enjoyed reading this. mwahhhh💋