Prom Day!! I'm so stressed rn

I love this sm

 

I may regret this later but

someone send help, there's this guy in my school and I'm beginning to have feelings that I do not want. I have never noticed him before which is what makes it weird. He is also so not my type. I have always preferred guys who have an older look, but not like graying wise wizard old, I like the sharp features "I can handle everything for u" kind of old, y'know? 

Anyway back to this dude, he is everything I though I didn't like. First off, he talks too much for me. I would like to be with a guy who knows when to shut his mouth. He also loves to rage bait any breathing organism which I find quite annoying... ok I find it funny sometimes too, but it get to a point, y'know? 

Secondly, his style, well, more like his lack thereof. I get it that most guys don't care about clothes and stuff but whenever I try to imagine us standing next to each other, it doesn't rlly look... how do i say this... cohesive? 

Third, this kind of correlates with the second, but he walks funny. One of the first things I notice about people is how they carry themselves and him... idek. It looks like he waddles more than walk and I hate ittttt. again, I think I would be embarrassed of that, which is why I hate myself for liking him because that's just rude of me. 

Fourth, idk what his views are on certain topics. Some background info, I go to a private religious affiliated school as someone who is not religious whatsoever, so that means I'm always trying to gauge where these people stand. This factor is really important for me cuz my worst nightmare is ending up with someone who supports this corrupt system that only helps those that can pay it. 

Ok, you guys reading this might think that this is a lot of complaints I have on this dude and I maybe do not like him after all, BUT BUT BUT, I can feel myself not caring about those flaws of his anymore, and I'm scarrreeeddd. I don't want to deal with the unconfiness of relationships (can u tell i'm an avoidant). 

side note, I actually don't think this is a lot of complaints, because I don't believe a guy can ever get too much. If u ask me they don't get enough criticism. 

He's smart and ambitious, which I LOVE, because that means that he's passionate. I know he wants to be in the medical field and is already working on that rn, and I love seeing it. It's kind of cute. 

............

ughhhh I hate this feeling

I also may have lightly stalked him and watched some of his reposts (most of them are tennis stuff which was so not helpful 😒) and saw some videos over current events that I agree with, but at the same time, they were kind of basic and not very helpful. 

The final thing is though, I never liked him from the very beginning, Before, I found him annoying and rude. Then he moved school in 8th or freshmen year, i don't quite recall, and came back looking so much more different than the last time I saw him, in a good way. 

I'm not interested in getting into a relationship in hs bcs I only want to focus on me, my grades, and my friends, but this little crush is really testing me. We have never had an actual conversation before, and I'm scared to make a move

 Do I even want to make a move? 

It should be illegal for Grey's Anatomy and Fifty shades of Grey to sound so similar

I had a tennis dual yesterday and came home and wanted to treat myself by binging a show. I haven't seen Greys Anatomy before so I wanted to watch it, however ofc I got it mixed up and typed in Fifty Shades of Grey instead.

Now let me tell you that when I say I was confused, I was CONFUSED. I thought Grey's Anatomy was about some doctors, but I told myself to trust the process and wait. 

I obvi waited far too long cuz now I know what to think of when someone mentions a Red Room. Before, I as thinking it was a room for torture and hurting someone, because I read the book "Behind Closed Doors" and in it, the mc married a dude who was secretly abusive and had what he called a "Red Room" where he hung up portraits of women with bru!ses. Now ofc I know it was not that. 

Anyway, I clicked out so fast. I didn't finish it but it was so so so so so so so so bad. It was such a cringe watch too. I don't understand how someone could enjoy this. I'm sorry if you do and I have offended you but.... actually no I'm not sorry cuz how can you watch this and think this is peak entertainment??!? The male lead was already saying, I kid you not, word for word, "I'm not good for you" within the first TWO DAYS OF MEETING. and don't even get me started on the lip biting. 

I have another small dilemma....

 I don't know what hairstyle I should do for prom. My dress is more poofy and the sides are just a tad bit loose so it kind of drags the top half lower, which makes me look boxier than I am. I have cinch clip, but it doesn't really match my whole prom look AND it's too small to cinch that much material. 

One of my friends also got a light yellow dress. Hers is also a more ballgown and V-neck style and she is going to wear her hair in a half up half down. 

I was originally planning on doing a bun, but now idk because my hair is long enough to cover the clip but I don't want it to seem like I'm copying her, especially since she showed me her dress before I told her about me already ordering mine. 

I never though prom would be so difficult :'(

Update!! my dress came! YAYAYAYYY!!!

 and guess whattt...

it arrived at our house

the delivery person got the address mixed up and delivered it our house which was so so so convenient for me cuz that meant I did not have to go and embarrass myself 

Anyway my dress is yellow and well idk what else, it's pretty plain looking but I think on the actual day when I have my hair and makeup done, it'll be better. 

My dress is going to my neighbors house

 We just moved to our new house, but I ordered my prom dress before we moved and might have, just slightly, got confused and typed in our neighbors address instead 😓. It's arriving in a few days but I'm scared to go talk to them about my dress cuz that's like so embarrassing for me. ughhhhhh ofc this had to happen to me. what should i do. i mean im gonna go get it but like ughhhhh

This month is actually going to be the death of me.

 First I have the ACT Tuesday then a tennis match Wednesday and another one Thursday TT. Prom is also on the 25th and I still need to get my makeup and flowers. After prom, I have the SAT on May 2 which, imma really have to grind. And then I also can't forget about my schoolwork and maintain my GPA. I love saying I'm taking all honors classes but I hate actually doing the work. oh and I have an ap psych test monday....

I'm sorry if I'm posting a lot about academics, I'm rlly overwhelmed rn and per chance a bit burnt out. Are any of you guys in hs rn and how's it like for you?

Imma just leave this here..

 

June 12 sounds so far away 😞

Just posted a new page! It's gonna be where I review all the book I have read!

I'm changing career paths

 I have the ACT next week and the SAT on May 2, and I am so not prepared. I might as well start looking into being an influencer cux I am not getting into any of these colleges with my performance rn. 

IMBOREEEED

I wish my friends were in my math class cuz this is literally so boring.