I may regret this later but

someone send help, there's this guy in my school and I'm beginning to have feelings that I do not want. I have never noticed him before which is what makes it weird. He is also so not my type. I have always preferred guys who have an older look, but not like graying wise wizard old, I like the sharp features "I can handle everything for u" kind of old, y'know? 

Anyway back to this dude, he is everything I though I didn't like. First off, he talks too much for me. I would like to be with a guy who knows when to shut his mouth. He also loves to rage bait any breathing organism which I find quite annoying... ok I find it funny sometimes too, but it get to a point, y'know? 

Secondly, his style, well, more like his lack thereof. I get it that most guys don't care about clothes and stuff but whenever I try to imagine us standing next to each other, it doesn't rlly look... how do i say this... cohesive? 

Third, this kind of correlates with the second, but he walks funny. One of the first things I notice about people is how they carry themselves and him... idek. It looks like he waddles more than walk and I hate ittttt. again, I think I would be embarrassed of that, which is why I hate myself for liking him because that's just rude of me. 

Fourth, idk what his views are on certain topics. Some background info, I go to a private religious affiliated school as someone who is not religious whatsoever, so that means I'm always trying to gauge where these people stand. This factor is really important for me cuz my worst nightmare is ending up with someone who supports this corrupt system that only helps those that can pay it. 

Ok, you guys reading this might think that this is a lot of complaints I have on this dude and I maybe do not like him after all, BUT BUT BUT, I can feel myself not caring about those flaws of his anymore, and I'm scarrreeeddd. I don't want to deal with the unconfiness of relationships (can u tell i'm an avoidant). 

side note, I actually don't think this is a lot of complaints, because I don't believe a guy can ever get too much. If u ask me they don't get enough criticism. 

He's smart and ambitious, which I LOVE, because that means that he's passionate. I know he wants to be in the medical field and is already working on that rn, and I love seeing it. It's kind of cute. 

............

ughhhh I hate this feeling

I also may have lightly stalked him and watched some of his reposts (most of them are tennis stuff which was so not helpful 😒) and saw some videos over current events that I agree with, but at the same time, they were kind of basic and not very helpful. 

The final thing is though, I never liked him from the very beginning, Before, I found him annoying and rude. Then he moved school in 8th or freshmen year, i don't quite recall, and came back looking so much more different than the last time I saw him, in a good way. 

I'm not interested in getting into a relationship in hs bcs I only want to focus on me, my grades, and my friends, but this little crush is really testing me. We have never had an actual conversation before, and I'm scared to make a move

 Do I even want to make a move?